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What happened after the pregnancy?

January 9, 2015

It`s been a long time since my last blog post. I gave birth September 2013 and since then I have not even checked my blog. I looked it up now and I could see that I have had a lot of people looking at my blog. I am hoping that it has served as a comfort for someone out there, not feeling alone in their situation as a stepmom.

Someone encouraged me to write a blog post after I gave birth. How does it feel being a stepmom after having your own child?

I was worried during my pregnancy. And I can not look back and say everything has been easy. We have had our challenges along the way. Both the kids have, in their own way, had to adjust to the change. There has been cooperation issues. But in the midst of it all, it has been a journey filled with love and laughter and joy. I hope this can encourage someone out there.

My birth went smooth. We were lucky to have the grandparents staying with us, so the first days me and my husband could stay together in the hospital. When we came home, it was transition day. The few hours I spend with my son and my stepson after i got back from the hospital, was overwhelming enough. I was glad my husband and I had several days alone to figure out everything. I was taken well care of. When the kids came back, they both had their reactions. I think they both needed the affirmation that there still was room for them. It turns out that you do have room for several children in your heart! You love each of them in a unique way. A few days before my due date, someone I met told me about her experiences having a stepmom. She told me “your stepchild`s feelings for you will not change. But your feelings for your stepchild will change. That can be hard for your stepkids”. This was not my experience. I never stopped loving my stepkids, and my feelings never decreased. I had to adjust and find out a new way of being a stepmom. But to a certain degree, our family feels more complete. In some ways it is easier. My bond for my stepkids have deepened. I see the resemblance with the siblings. I know I am especially blessed, because both of them have learned to love their baby brother a lot. However, I have had to give them time. They have both had their tranisitions. For the first six months I had to patiently wait for the oldest to even show any interest. Now the bond between the oldest and youngest is so deep, and so filled with love.

Women often has an advantage when becoming a mother. Hormones help us connect with the kid. We sometimes have to wait patiently for others around us to develop attachment to the little one. But today I can say that it has been such a great journey as a family.

I was worried that my child would get less space; less attention, time, and less love. This has not been the case. The youngest is the center of the attention. The ones who need to be taken care of, are the two oldest! The youngest charms his way to the center of the attention everyday; every meal, every play time, every time we have guests. He is so used to people showing him interest, that he always expects everyone to give him all they have. Today when I came back from work, I found him in the middle of the playroom with his two oldest siblings both playing with him.

I know not everyone has a happy story as I do. Having a baby can bring out huge challenges. You get sleep deprived and you get tested in so many ways. But what I am trying to say is that it can work out having a baby in a stepfamily too, and it can work out pretty fantastic.

I am pregnant again. This time I am not as vulnerable. But I am much much more exhausted. I am looking forward to having a new family member. Always remember that the new baby also is a person who will affect the family dynamics. That is such an exciting process, and it is a privilege watching your child be an active person influencing the surroundings.

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2 Comments
  1. Thanks for posting! I am a stepmom, and my husband and I are planning on having a baby together in the next few years. It’s helpful to hear your experience as we prepare for that journey!

  2. Thank you for your comment. I took a look at your blog. It was a lot of fun to read, and very interesting. I hope things go well in your preparations to become parents. Seattle is a great place, by the way.

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